This humble opinion is brought to by you T. K. Edwards
THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS – Rated PG – 1 hr. 44 mins
Director by: Eli Roth
Cast: Cate Blanchett, Jack Black, Owen Vaccaro, Colleen Camp, Kyle MacLachlan
An orphaned boy goes to live with his uncle and starts to realize things are not what they seem inside the house that he’s staying in.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW
THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS had the potential of becoming the latest Hollywood magical franchise, but fell short for numerous reasons. Reason #1, the story. It is waaaaay too similar to the HARRY POTTER movies and LEMONY SNICKET’S SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS. The book for this movie may have been written back in the 1970s, but since its film was made after the above listed movies, then most of your viewing audience is going to believe the book did too. Either way, this film does not compare to LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS or any of the HARRY POTTER films because all of those movies were actually good and this one is not. Reason #2, the director Eli Roth. I have seen all of the other movies Eli Roth has directed and I can tell you this movie does not belong nor should it even be on their list. All of those films are “hard” R rated films and most of them are in the horror movie genre. Roth does not belong in the family movie genre because all he really does is take out the cussing and the gore. He doesn’t add the heart, warmth and love that resonates in family films. You wouldn’t tell Chris Columbus to go do a movie that involves an infectious disease at a cabin, torturing american tourists, duct taping Keanu Reeves to a chair, cooking up students for dinner in the amazon jungle, or giving Bruce Willis a “Death Wish”…would you? No. Why? Because it’s not his genre and he knows it. That being said, I’m glad he tried (LMAO), but please…please Eli, don’t try again. Stick to your guts and gore please. Btw…for those that don’t know, Chris Columbus directed the following films: HOME ALONE, STEPMOM, HARRY POTTER 1 & 2, MRS. DOUBTFIRE and many more just like those. Reason #3, the acting. I was not impressed by any of the actors in THE HOUSE WITH A CLOCK IN ITS WALLS. No one stood out with a breakout performance and no one did a very good job. It was “contract acting” if you ask me, which is defined in the T.K. Edwards dictionary as (“contract acting” – def. When an actor is obligated to do a film by a studio rather than by their desire to do the film themselves). I normally enjoy watching both Cate Blanchett and Jack Black, but this time they were…in a word…boring. This time they were Cate Blah-chett and Jack Blah-ck (that cheese was FREE btw, lol). Black’s performance was not funny and you could tell he knew while he was acting and I DON’T KNOW what the hell Cate was doing in this movie. She has two academy awards and she’s in this movie swatting demon pumpkins with her magical umbrella…and doing it very badly btw. Then there’s the kid we follow in this film played by Owen Vaccaro. Let’s just say, he should not have been cast in this part and I’ll leave it at that because he could not have been the studios first choice for this role, more like the 3rd or 4th. In conclusion, if you couldn’t already tell, I did not enjoy this film and I am not suggesting anyone go to the theaters to watch this one. SKIP THIS MOVIE. IT IS BAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Until next time, thanks for reading.
P.S. – There is no post credit scene for all of you that didn’t & won’t take my advice on this movie. LOL.